I was checking my blog, and it was completely empty. That's right, I've only posted once this year. Lol. The more I think about it, the more I realize it was simply a result of my laziness. 

The year 2021 will be over. The new year will start. I just want to go through everything that has occurred to me this year. It won't be too happy, but I simply want to write it all. However, it is memories that have defined me this year. 

January

Well, I started a new job in December 2020. It's a job I'm glad for since it's exactly what I'm looking for. At first, I have no idea what to do when there was no work to be done, but then I attempted to see the brights side of my job. I'd be able to learn a lot about anything. It's such a gift to be able to perform the job that we're passionate about, isn't it?

Then, this is the first time I got the chance to travel. I have never gone anywhere since the outbreak of the pandemic. So, for the yearly meeting, my office decided to go to Bandung. However, it became very awkward because I am the newcomer and the only girl in that situation. Sigh.

Oh, anyway... I got bad news from him in the new years eve. Yeah. He tested positive COVID-19 back then. My assumption on my last post in 2020 was true. It literally shocked me.. but well... what could I do? I only can pray for the best, tho. Luckily, he was asymptomatic. I felt relieved knowing he was negative two weeks after. 

February

"It's (indeed) unfair."

Yeah. His confession broke me a lot at that time. I literally cry over it. I mean.. am I not that much to be fought for? Those facts indeed made him stay... but after all, it still broke me so many times--maybe until now.

It's pretty ironic when I found Wonder from Shawn Mendes. 

Right before I close my eyes
The only thing that's on my mind
Been dreamin' that you feel it too
I wonder what it's like to be loved by you 

 

Another ironic quote that I found that month:

Tell me,

How do I know when to stop?

How can I be so sure,

Whether to keep fighting for us,

Or accept the fact that

You are not for me;

That you were never meant for me?

How long should I wait?

What would happen if things actually work out yet I decided to give up?

What would happen if I kept holding on yet our stars were never actually aligned?

I hate this wondering,

I despise them.

Don't you?

Of course, you don't,

Why would you?

-- A Thousand Words for You, Raissa Almira.

March

If I am not mistaken, my role in office has been extended. Now, I've been given the opportunity to take over social media. At first, I was really afraid I would make some mistakes... but then, I just embrace myself and do my best. Anyway, finally, my design skill is really helping me out. Fyuuh.

Another thing that I like about my work is I also can study again. When will I read a non-fiction book other than my college material? It felt so surreal when I can finish reading The Spider and The Starfish. The more I know, it's just the beginning of our weekly getting more knowledge through our work.

Then.. again.. at the beginning of the month, he told me he tested positive (again) for COVID-19. Not gonna lie, I wanna curse at him, "why are you so stupid?". But, I don't have the heart to say it. Once again, I tried to cheer him up.. but yeah... That's the only thing I can do. The funny thing is... I list out how so damn different we are.

Side note, I joined the Bangtan Academy Discord server and have completed one of the lessons there. Well, maybe in 2022, I should consider studying more diligently. 

April

My highlight is.. yeah... I finally decided to buy a new phone. A phone that costs me a lot. But, since I can buy it using my own money, I am really grateful. Well, tbh, he slightly questioned my decision but... I don't care. Anyway, he did forget my birthday again. 

Then, after some drama, finally, I can spend my holiday out of town. Even though it's only going to Cianjur, I still feel so happy. That short escape makes me smile all the way.

May

I spent my Ramadhan and Eid at home. I am very grateful because I can do my work at home. Therefore, I can spend a lot of time together with my family. Then, when I had to go back to Jakarta, it's for Annual Foundation Meeting that was held at... none other than The Dharmawangsa. To be very honest, I was very shocked by all of that arrangement. 

Then, another thing in life this month... I finally said it... "How I wish we do have a relationship..." but.. yeah.. just like what Bon Iver sing on Exile... "I think I've seen this  film before, and I didn't like the ending." 

June

In this month, I was involved more in managing social media. At least, that's the thing that I the best of. I feel like.. "I can contribute more through this way.."

Our convo this month has become more frontal. We talked about something that we never talked about. Maybe, since my confession back then, we are brave enough to talk about this matter. We are comfortable enough.

One of my memorable lines from this month, "If I am too good for you, why don't you come up here and join me on my good level?"Maybe I am just pathetic... to say this.

July

The second wave of COVID was really scary. I really don't want to go out since then. 

Tbh, this month is very hard for me since I know what's happening to his family. I really feel helpless. I can't do anything to cheer him up. I think.. this real border when I know... I am merely a stranger in the online world for him.

August

Starting from this month, I was continuing my journey on Duolingo. Finished #1 in the Diamond League is possible and I am really proud of myself.

I learned something unexpected from him. I think.. this is the beginning of the argument "we are very stubborn in our own way.. so.. it would be very difficult to compromise."

September

How I wish I didn't send that wishes... Sigh. Another rejection? Checked. What a sigh.

Then, my lovely phone.. the one that has accompanied me from about three years ago.. finally dead. It really broke me since I really love that phone. 

Because I really can't use my iPhone completely, I decided to buy android again. After that, I use that phone to play BTS Universe Story. Some of the stories are intriguing. It made me not bored to play it.

October

My first travel experience... and it's so damn scary on another level. Fortunately, It worked well. No drama at all. Fyuh.

I beg something from him.. but... it's not happening. I should've known this.

At the end of this month, my one and only grandma have passed away. So, I decided to go back to Malang. Maybe, this is one of my impulsive decision ever...

November

My random decision this month? Playing Genshing Impact. But, not gonna lie, it's very interesting. I should admit that I love adventure games.. but I know that I am very bad at defeating monsters.

After that convo... I think he decided to take a distance from me. After all... I am really questioning... are we starting to lose each other? I don't know... I got a lot of mixed feelings.

December

I got a contract renewal for my job. Another year in my current office. Then, I got the chance to travel to Bali. What a relaxing trip to some extent. I love being there a lot.

But for him... I think he has indeed distanced himself from me. Until now, there's no news from him. Well, I ain't his priority, not even an option, what could I say? I thought, 2021 would be different.. but at the end, the dream has become only a dream. No more. 

So...

Dear me, dear Ra, dear myself...

You're not pathetic. You always can choose to be happy. You deserved to be happy. Hope there are no tears anymore. No anxious feeling anymore. It's not greed and also not a sin.

What you have this year is very beautiful. Those tears, heartbreak, and longing feelings are valid. Whatever it is, that's part of the memories that define you. That's what's makes you be you.

Then... if somehow the multi-universe does exist, I really wonder if there's a version of me and him together.  Will we complete each other or... break each other until the end?

I don't know what the future will be like. I don't know whether I will get another love story. I don't know whether my feeling is still valid and dedicated to him or not... but after all, I always try my best to be happy. Even though the tears are still streaming down own my face.

Goodbye, 2021! Thank you for all of the memories. Thank you for all of the beautiful journeys. Now, let's greet 2022. It's maybe still dark because it is still the year of pandemic.. but.. let's make a positive life throughout the year. Just be happy. That's all and that's enough.

Lots of love,

Ra at 22.22

The Starfish and the Spider

What happens when there's no one in charge? What happens when there's no hierarchy?

by Ori Brafman

Source: Goodreades. com

Title: The Starfish and the Spider: The Unstoppable Power of Leaderless Organizations
Author: Ori Brafman, Rod A. Beckstrom
Publisher: Portfolio
Year published: 2006
Number of pages: 230 pages

If you cut off a spider’s leg, it’s crippled; if you cut off its head, it dies. But if you cut off a starfish’s leg it grows a new one, and the old leg can grow into an entirely new starfish.
What’s the hidden power behind the success of Wikipedia, Craigslist, and Skype? What do eBay and General Electric have in common with the abolitionist and women’s rights movements? What fundamental choice put General Motors and Toyota on vastly different paths? How could winning a Supreme Court case be the biggest mistake MGM could have made?

After five years of ground-breaking research, Ori Brafman and Rod Beckstrom share some unexpected answers, gripping stories, and a tapestry of unlikely connections. The Starfish and the Spider argues that organizations fall into two categories: traditional “spiders,” which have a rigid hierarchy and top-down leadership, and revolutionary “starfish,” which rely on the power of peer relationships.

The Starfish and the Spider explores what happens when starfish take on spiders (such as the music industry vs. Napster, Kazaa, and the P2P services that followed). It reveals how established companies and institutions, from IBM to Intuit to the US government, are also learning how to incorporate starfish principles to achieve success. The book explores:

* How the Apaches fended off the powerful Spanish army for 200 years
* The power of a simple circle
* The importance of catalysts who have an uncanny ability to bring people together
* How the Internet has become a breeding ground for leaderless organizations
* How Alcoholics Anonymous has reached untold millions with only a shared ideology and without a leader

The Starfish and the Spider is the rare book that will change how you understand the world around you.

***

For me, reading a non-fiction book is an achievement for me--because I couldn't easily focus to read one. The last non-fiction book that I review on this blog was How to Discourse Analysis: A Toolkit by James Paul Gee. From the title itself, I believe that everyone knows why I read that book, it was one of my assignment in college. So, reading a non-fiction book of my own will, it's much fascinating.

Will there be chaos if there is no leader in charge?

The Starfish and the Spider are about two types of organization that exist, namely centralized and decentralized organization. To explain the idea, the author used the analogue of starfish and spider for those two organizations.

This book suggests that at some point, a starfish organization, the one without the exact leader, could easily adapt to any challenge that they faced. Moreover, when a centralized organization tried to comfort the decentralized one, it won't be a success. The author uses MGM, Spain, and also French Investor as an example. 

The question afterwards is, do the leaderless organization will be the strongest type of all? Can they be defeated by the centralized?

Actually, after explaining the main characteristic of a starfish organization with a lot of case study, start from Apache, Napster, Skype, etc., the author also told us about how a starfish organization can be "defeated" and to some extent makes a hybrid organization is more favourable. I said favourable because, with the hybrid organization, they still can gain profit and also maintaining the sustainability of the organization.

My thought

Picture from Goodfon.com, edited by me.

Like I said before, I never expect that I could finish reading this book. I am very glad because this book is very easy to understand. I think a general reader could easily understand the concept of it. My supervisor at work said that he didn't really a fan of this book, but for me, as someone who used to read a fiction book, I can enjoy it.

One thing that I realized after reading this book is the role of the catalyst in every starfish organization. In my opinion, this person sounds like a saviour who can save the earth. I think, in this opportunistic world if someone wants to implement the concept of starfish organization in a business environment, the catalyst would be really easy to be "manipulated". Once the catalyst got power for the materialistic things, the organization will no longer become a starfish. They will, in the end, become a centralized-spider-organization.

Conclusion

This book is quite interesting in my opinion. Even though it's been published more than decades ago, the concept of it is still relevant. So, it is still worth to read for now.

But, should we be starfish? In my opinion, the most possible of all is to create a hybrid organization. We should admit that a starfish organization have their own weakness. Maybe this is a typical answer, but after all, that's the possible answer for now.

3.5 out of 5 stars for the analogy.

Sincerely,

Ra